© 09 Colin Melbourne
Lying Adulteress
Q: My wife has committed adultery twice during our marriage of twelve years. Each time carried out in almost exactly the same way, both were with men she worked with or was around.
Even after I figured out what was going on, she denied everything. Then, when she finally started telling the truth, it was only partial truth, about some of the circumstances.
How do you forgive someone who hasn’t told the truth? You can’t forgive something she won’t admit to, because she hasn’t asked for forgiveness.
How do we go forward when the lies are always on my mind, and not knowing whether she will follow the same path of lies again?
She has begun to go to church with me and the kids, and she has made a noticeable attempt to change her ways. This is a very positive gesture. Mike
Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment
A: Be strong man of God, strong in the Lord, so that He can use you to deliver your wife from the jaws of the enemy.
She’s clearly unsaved, still a sinner woman under the control of her fallen flesh. Ro. 7:5. Eph. 2:1-3.
Sinners lie and are unfaithful by nature, it comes naturally to them, just like it did to us before we were saved.
She needs to be born again. When she is a new creation; righteousness, faithfulness, and love will be her new nature. 2 Co. 5:21.
You can’t make this change, only God can, and He longs to, even more than you do. All He needs is a Spirit-filled, and faithful, witness willing to follow Him in love.
Giants Slain
Bro, the Lord is working on your wife, and He’s relying on you to show her what He is like in the flesh; your flesh.
For inspiration recall the passage where Abram went after the enemy who had kidnapped his relatives. Gen. Ch.14.
Then meditate on the testimony of the sapling David in 1 Sam. 17:32-37.
An army of grown men ran in terror from their enemy. But a single Spirit-led youth ran towards the enemy believing God had given him victory.
Study the boy’s words carefully, he got them from the LORD, and they still work for anyone who dares to believe and shout the victory.
Father made sure everyone saw it was no contest.
The kid won: A sapling of The Vine.
It is the same today for you and me, our enemy is defeated, crushed, and doomed. Christ did it for us, we enforce it by living faith, working through love.
Take their attitude as your model, but realise your enemies are not flesh and blood, they are seducing spirits, demons determined to wreck your family.
Every Christian has the authority to use the Name of Jesus to stop those demons working. Learn how to use your faith in that Name to bind the enemy, and protect your family.
You can only win by walking in the love, grace, and power of your Lord. Flesh fails every time: Faith, expressing itself as love, never fails. Never. Gal. 5:6.
Settle that first, and stick to it no matter what.
Guard your Heart
It is vital that you avoid falling into the trap Satan has set for you: Resentment and bitterness.
Those sins will shut the door of your heart to God’s gentle leading, and your fellowship with Him will suffer, so will the effectiveness of your prayers. Understand the full meaning of 1 Jn. 3:21, and be sure you have forgiven your precious wife from your heart.
Marriage and divorce: Libraries of books exist on this subject, but most are plain wrong. This is the best one.
How to forgive liars
Your question about forgiveness is easy to answer.
Christians are commanded to forgive every sin committed against them. Mtt. 6:14-15, Mk. 11:25, Lk. 6:37, 11:4.
It applies to each of us, and we must obey, or be reckoned as hypocrites and phonies.
We forgive the instant we discover somebody has sinned against us. We simply choose to forgive the sin.
We can do this because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts. Ro. 5:5.
If you say to yourself you can’t forgive a particular sin, or person you are a liar and the truth is not in you.
If you are saved, you can forgive as God has forgiven you. It is a choice. Col. 3:13, 1 Jn. 2:4-6, 1 Co. 10:13.
Wounded, hurt and bruised; you forgive, and keep on forgiving the sin of those who are sinning against you.
You can learn to forgive from your heart, and get better at it: It’s basic Christianity.
Heart’s Right: So Prayer Works
Next we ask God to forgive the one who sinned against us. He promised that He will if we ask Him to. Jn. 14:13-14, 1 Jn. 5:16, Jas. 5:16. We ask Him to bring them to genuine repentance. That is His speciality; He’s very good at it so leave it to Him. Jn. 16:7-11.
When, in due course, the one who sinned comes to us, admits their sin, and asks our forgiveness, we can then forgive them of their sin.
Do you see the difference?
You forgive the sin, and the one sinning, the moment it occurs; but the one sinning can’t experience your forgiveness until they repent and ask your forgiveness.
This way you guard your heart and stay Christ-like walking in love, even while the guilty one continues in sin. So Father can bless you, and use you to convict the sinning one.
You are able to do this because God supplies the love, power, and grace we need to overcome every situation that He allows us to be in. 1 Co. 10:13, Phil. 4:13.
How do you deal with the nagging worry she will do it again, and lie about it?
You must get the Power Baptism, and stay filled with God’s Spirit, He is the only Counsellor you need. Listen to Him constantly: Do what He says. Jas. 1:22.
I AM the Way
You renew your mind according to His Word; not the world’s word, not the Devil’s word, not your word, but God’s New Covenant Word. Ro. 12:2.
Then you will experience the daily victory Christ died to offer you.
This way is a well-worn path travelled by countless of your brothers and sisters through the centuries, ever since Christ forgave the adulteress caught in the act, and thrown at His feet. Jn. 8:1-11.
Will you take it, and let Him lead you in victorious procession through this little trial of your faith?
© 09 Colin Melbourne
